And for a split second, as I looked at her through the glow on my phone - iTunes playing our bedtime songs - and the glow coming from her nightlight...
I saw this baby.
I could not stop the tears from slowly streaking down my face.
I told her in a fighting-back-the-tears shaky voice, that "I love you so so very much, my baby girl. You're cuteness is breaking my heart."
And she responded, "I lough you, mama."
Gulp.
My heart.
This baby.
My baby.
Our baby.
Right here with her "B" that we didn't even know would be her "B" until later on...
Will be three in less than two months.
THA-REE.
I know how it happens.
You (I) spend the first three months just waiting for the sun to come up. You want to sleep, but you are already awake. And so it rises. Every morning. And every morning she is another day older. Everything seems to stay the same each day, but in reality, everything changes each day.
You are in the depths.
It's not till later that you realized how much of a haze you were in - a mean haze. Cause if you had realized it at the time, you would have tried your best to snap out of it. Quit. Stop. Wishing the hours/days to hurry and go by. You would relish in the sleep-ness nights when you felt like you could cry- and would have if you had the energy - if you had to walk that sweet baby up and down the hallway for one more hour.
It seems endless and so real - at the time. Never-ending.
And then she starts sleeping better - and you are so happy. So thankful for the restful nights that become more normal. Still in a haze, but it's getting better.
But with the sleeping better comes the baby who starts to do more - like crawl. And talk. And then walk. And you are so grateful and excited. For the cool new things she does, you don't even stop to be sad about the fact that she is getting bigger. Every now and then, you see a baby picture of her and think, "Man, we've come a long way." "That seems like yesterday, and also an eternity ago."
And then one night.
While doing your normal bedtime routine...
She yawns at you.
Cue the waterworks.
You can't stop it.
You tell your husband what just happened after you put her to bed.
As you hear the story come out of your mouth you know it kinda sounds silly...but that doesn't stop your voice from trembling and the waterworks to start again.
He agrees that it's gone so fast.
He says "Thank God!" when you say she is going to be three next month!?
You both laugh, shake your heads in disbelief, and walk to bed.
Reality bites sometimes, right?!
{Entire post written after getting in bed - no grammar check - barely spell check. Just stream of consciousness. I added the photos later and started to correct grammar, and decided not to. Sorry, English teachers/grammar police (Mom.)}
